Personal Development

The one mindset shift that will revolutionize your thinking

Mindset. It’s an issue many of us struggle with at some point in our lives. If you’re anything like me, mindset – and the need for a mindset shift – comes up over and over – often at the most unexpected of times. You may look at people who are confident, have accomplished big things in their work and life, and wonder, “Why is it so hard for me and not for them?”

Today, we’re going to talk about one subtle mindset shift I see often that makes a massive difference in both confidence levels and outcomes.

Read this first set of statements:

“We are working to form a new team, but aren’t there yet. We’re still figuring out how we’re going to work together.”
“I have so much self-doubt, it doesn’t matter that I look confident on the outside.”
“I’m just a mom, so I don’t have much to offer.”

Compare those statements to these:

“We’ve made a huge change and formed a new team. Now we’re figuring out how to work together.
“I’m a confident person who is learning what that means, even when I feel a lot of self-doubt.”
“My experience as a mom gives me varied life skills to tackle anything.”

You might quickly read through these and think, “Sarah, really? What’s the difference? They’re saying the same thing.”

Well, they are. And they most definitely aren’t.

What’s the difference?

The two sets of statements have fundamentally different positioning.

How you position yourself makes a difference.

Several months ago, I was in a situation where my job fundamentally changed overnight. There was little guidance in the transition, and I spent a few weeks waiting for additional direction and for the change to become clearer and easier.

It didn’t.

Eventually, I got to the point where the pain of “in the process of changing” and waiting for additional direction was worse than adopting a position that “The change has happened. Time to figure out how to make it work.”

I figured it out. The process was messy, but several months later, I’m in a vastly different place in the best of ways.

The one thing I would do differently? Making the choice to adopt the mindset shift sooner. We can’t change the circumstances around us. We can only change how we view our circumstances, and how our view affects our actions.

How do you mentally frame a major shift?

The change happened. It is. There’s still a lot of work to be done to implement the changes, but this mindset is from a position of strength and authority.

“The new team is formed. Now we simply need to figure out how to work together.”

As opposed to:

A mindset that sees the change as in process. This positioning starts out with the mindset that it’s a long, uphill battle to be fought and won.

We are working to form a new team, and still have a lot of work to do to figure out how we’re going to work together.

Which is more powerful and likely to succeed?

The position of confidence, strength and “I am” (or “We are”).

Words matter. And subtle changes in wording have significant changes in mindset.

What’s your position? Are you operating from a position of “we are” vs “we’re working on”?

Maybe you’re thinking, “Yeah, yeah, that all sounds good for you. But it would never work for me. I don’t feel that way at all.” That’s okay. Can I encourage you to try it anyway? Give it one week of conscious effort. What do you have to lose? After that week, If you’re no worse off than you were before you started, give it another week. And another. Eventually the feelings will follow.

Decide today to operate from a position of “I am” vs “I’m trying to be.”

You and me? We have different definitions of “easy”

By Sarah 1 Comment

A few years ago, I did a freelance project that involved working with craft bloggers and reviewing their content and products. I can’t tell you how many times I read something along the lines of:

“This is a quick project. I did it while watching Downton Abbey, so it’s easy.”
“These cookies are easy to whip up.”
“This project is so easy you can do it in an hour.”

Can I just say, there was not a single one of those projects that I would call easy? Or a single project that I could do while watching television? Every single one of them would require hours of my concentration, and even then, wouldn’t turn out remotely close to what their pictures looked like.

In fact, there were multiple projects where I didn’t even know the meaning of the all the words. And all those supplies that are “common” to have on hand? Yeah, I definitely don’t have a glue gun. Finding scotch tape is a craft project all on it’s own in my house.

BUT…

Whip up a work back schedule to ensure a project is completed on time? Write a recap to ensure all team members are on track to hit their deliverables and are aligned coming out of a meeting? Throw together an editorial calendar for your social media, or your blog? Create an Action Plan so you know where you’re going? Yep, those are my idea of easy. And take very little time at at all.

Formatting some spreadsheets and ebook content? That’s an easy project to do while watching television, for sure.

While my easy is not your easy, we all have something that comes naturally easy to us.

Unfortunately, for a whole host of reasons, many of us spend too much time trying to do someone else’s easy and end up feeling like failures. Don’t do that.

Don’t get bogged down by what’s doesn’t come easily to you.

Focus on what is easy. Realize that you do have skillz and work hard at those. (I know, I know. We’re big on skillz in our house right now. Apparently in pre-K, jumping skillz and adding skillz and digging for fossils skillz are all a really big deal.)

And every now and then? Stretch yourself and try one of someone else’s “easy” projects. You might be surprised at the satisfaction you get from it. Or you’ll have learned something you definitely never want to do again.

Communication matters + the top 6 things I learned in May

By Sarah Leave a Comment

I say it every month, but how is it the end of May already?! This month was simultaneously endless and flew by. Again, describes almost every month. Because the months fly by so quickly – even when individual days and hours can drag on forever, amIright?! – I find it a hugely helpful practice to reflect.

Reflecting is a fancy way of saying “Think about the month – what I can still remember – and write down what I want to remember and apply to life moving forward.” Some months I’m on it and keep a running list so this is easy. (I’m looking at you, BuJo.)

Other months are survival mode and the fact that my family and I are still alive and haven’t burned down the house is a huge success.

I highly encourage you to reflect and keep a list of key things you learn each month as well! Without further delay, here’s May:

(I promise, that last paragraph wasn’t an intentional cheesy dad rhyme. But once it was there, I just couldn’t get rid of it.)

1. Communication matters.

It is SO incredibly easy to miscommunicate – to think that you are communicating more clearly than you are. Did you actually say what you thought you said? Or did you assume that your recipient knew more than they actually did?

I’ve gotten a surprising number of emails lately that were less than clear, and required multiple follow ups to confirm what should have been simple questions. It’s infuriating! It also made me think more about how often I’m the one sending the unclear messages, and to take some extra time proofreading.

Am I being as clear as possible? Is this all of the information needed, or am I making assumptions about what someone else knows and where they can find the rest of the information?

2. Reading is important – even especially fluffy relaxing reading.

I realized a few weeks ago that my time spent reading had dropped dramatically this spring. I’ve been fairly stressed out lately, and started to wonder if that was one of the reasons why. I’ve always been more likely to head for a book than the TV for relaxation.

I’m usually in the middle of several books at once – typically a mix of business-y non-fiction, inspirational non-fiction, and fiction that ranges from a little bit fluffy to incredibly fluffy. I had been using my limited reading time to get through some interesting, but not super relaxing non-fiction. I grabbed a few super fluffy reads from the library and flew through them with a big exhale of relaxation. (Feel free to follow/friend me on GoodReads if you want to share reading lists and ideas.)

3. Sun is life-changing.

April and May in Oregon are rough. The rest of the world starts talking about sun and BBQs and pools, and we’ve got endless, endless rain. Memorial Day weekend gave us some much needed sun and warmth, and it was incredible. My boys are entering the golden age of summer, spending time running back and forth to the neighbor’s house, playing in the back yard and the cul-de-sac, helping out with lemonade stands and playing with water balloons.

4. YNAB is amazing. Really.

I started using YNAB to manage my budet several years ago, and fell in love even more when they added a cloud-based version that imports transactions from your bank account. If you and I have ever talked about money, I’ve probably told you that you have to try YNAB. And if we haven’t, I’m telling you now. You have to try YNAB. They even have a 34-day free trial (so you can see the full benefits of tracking and reconciling an entire month’s budget).

5. Sugar is not good for me.

No matter how much I’d like to think otherwise, I really do feel better when I don’t eat sugar. I’ve been feeling a bit sluggish, and then read The Case Against Sugar. (Note: Don’t read this if you want to happily continue to eat sugar. Although it is a fascinating case study on human behavior.) A friend and I started a Whole30 yesterday to get back on track. I’m only about 85% mentally committed this time around, so we’ll see how successful it is.

6. A simple plan executed well (or even simply executed), is better than endless ideas.

I love ideas, and organizing and plans. I’m great at making elaborate plans and then failing to follow through. I recently reviewed a plan for an upcoming project I’m working on with my friend Mandi on the Ultimate Bundles team. I felt like the plan was a little light, but Mandi didn’t. It was a great reminder to me that actually executing the small plan (which really isn’t as small as I think it is!) is far better than an elaborate plan left in a drawer.

What have you learned lately? Share below or drop me a note!

What communication, budgets, sun and planning all have in common? They're important to a busy working mom's life well lived. Here's how they can improve your life too.

Lessons learned from a second Whole30

By Sarah 2 Comments

After my first Whole30, I not only completely fell off the bandwagon in terms of what I was eating, but I followed it up with the world’s worst Costco trip. That trip included a Costco-box of microwave popcorn, among many other non-healthy foods, and which sums up that experience all too well. After two years, I finally threw away the last of the uneaten popcorn. Gross.

I was determined to make this round different.

What I did differently during my second Whole30

I completed my second Whole30 in January and early February this year. My first round of Whole30 was almost three years ago, when I had a 9 month old and a 2 year old.

What worked for me the first round of Whole30:

I followed the plan perfectly the entirety of the 30 days.

What didn’t work for me the first round of Whole30:

Everything else.
I’ve never liked coconut, but felt like I needed to include quite a bit because it was in so many Whole30 recipes. I tried to learn to like it, but that didn’t go so well.
I ate way too many sweet potatoes, and didn’t want to see one again for many many months. (Note: this was before regular potatoes were approved, which was a game changer the second time around).

Other than the fact that I accomplished my goal, it was a fairly miserable experience, and I couldn’t wait to get back to my regular-eating ways, which were 100% Standard American Diet. And then some. (Cue the infamous Costco trip.)

This round my goal was to stick to the Whole30 plan 99%, not 100%.

What 99% means:

I found a Costco almond milk that doesn’t have carrageenan, so I called that good even though there are a few gums in there I wasn’t sure about.
I ate very little coconut.
I focused on portion control.
I’m viewing this as a start to a changed way of eating (and cooking!)

What’s the point of a Whole30?

The Whole30 crew says it much more elegantly on their site, but essentially, it’s a 30-day challenge to cut out anything that has potential for inflammation, allergies, etc. to give the body a chance to reset. You know, eat only whole foods for 30 days.

The official program rules are very strict and make a large statement that even a single minor slip-up compromises the whole program. For my Type A personality with a tendency toward legalism, this is cause for major stress. Major stress is not the point of the program.

The first time I did the Whole30 three years ago, I stuck to it perfectly. I also stressed myself out and did a major binge when I finished the 30 days. This is exactly the opposite of the point.

This time around, my goals is to still stick to the plan, but without the same level of stress. If I ingest a piece of bacon that has nitrites, I’m not going to beat myself up. I’m going to make and eat my next Whole30 meal.

My goal is healthy habits and weight loss, not to be perfect on an extreme diet.

My “word of the year” for 2017 is RENEW, and a big part of that is letting go of stress and my stress-induced responses.

What does this mean practically? It means that when the neighbors invite us over for dinner after I’ve been solo parenting for five days (three of which we’ve been snowed in!), I’m going to eat the chicken that was slow-cooked in beer all day, but skip the BBQ sauce. I’m also going to load up on asparagus and roasted sweet potato, and skip the rice.

Resources that made my Whole30 successful

Planning meals using Plan to Eat. (This is my absolute favorite meal planning system. #affiliatelink)
Recipes from various bloggers. A few favorites:
- Weekly prep from The Kitchn
- Jessica from Good Cheap Eats has a whole section of Whole30 tips and recaps
- My own Whole30 Pinterest board

How it went

That stretch of solo-parenting and snow? Well, it was 10 days of solo parenting, and almost as many snowed in. At the time, I desperately wished that I could eat junk food. And I would have eaten plenty of it. In hindsight, it forced me to get creative in what I could eat, and I lost weight during that time frame. Knowing myself, I would have easily gained 3-5 pounds during that time frame if I wasn’t doing Whole30.

The single thing that I missed the most was milk in my coffee. I typically do coffee with a splash of whole milk during the week, and splurge on a few lattes here and there. Most of my journal entries from during the Whole30 say something along the lines of “I want a latte.”

By the end of this round of Whole30, I felt pretty darn good, and was actively researching ways to continue eating healthy, but in a more sustainable way for our family.

Strategically, my birthday was just a few days after I finished the Whole30. When I planned out dates, I wasn’t thinking about the recommended reintroduction schedule following a Whole30, but I was thinking about making sure I could have a sweet treat on my birthday. 🙂

However, once I started, I realized that I couldn’t do that and still test out the effects of specific food groups. Based on past experience, I was pretty sure that dairy does not affect me. But I wanted to test that out. I know that sugar does. I was less concerned about grains and legumes.

So I modified a bit. (And for my extreme Type A self, seeing Mand i post about her modified Whole30 right about the same time gave me even more internal “permission” to do it my way than I would have otherwise – thanks Mandi!).

I reintroduced dairy slowly my last week on the Whole30 with a splash of milk in my coffee (rather than almond milk). Nothing has ever tasted better. And I didn’t have any reactions to it. #win

(Un)Expected Benefits of the Whole30

The Whole30 made me appreciate quality food and the way my body felt.
I did not expect the Whole30 to almost eliminate my lingering post-car accident back pain.
The scale went down 9 lbs, which I have kept off the full month since I finished the Whole30.
I progressively wanted to continue eating better. I read In Defense of Food, and trolled the 100 Days of Real Food blog, along with other various healthy eating websites. I began to think about what permanent (semi-permanent?) lifestyle changes I wanted to make as a family.

Moving Forward
Moving forward, we’re focusing on real/whole foods, but not excluding any food groups. This means that we’re adding in whole grains, full-fat dairy and natural sugars like honey and maple syrup, but still focusing on a whole lot fewer processed foods.

Have you tried a Whole30? What additional advice or questions do you have?

Change your environment to change your mindset

By Sarah Leave a Comment

This week I thought the four walls of my house were going to cave in on me.

That might be a bit of an exaggeration, but I was going stir-crazy and having trouble focusing on anything I needed to get done. What improved my mental state and re-ignited my productivity?

Changing my environment.

What are some simple ways to change your environment?

Get outside. I love Anne from Modern Mrs. Darcy’s outdoor goal for the winter. And clearly getting outside is a hit with my little pirate.
Go to a different room. Fold the laundry in the living room vs the bedroom or vice versa. Read a book on a chair instead of the couch. Rearrange some furniture.
Change where you work. Like many work-at-home types, I often hit up a coffee shop. Changing which coffee shop I go to, getting a table that faces a window instead of a wall, or simply picking a different table from “my spot” all provide fresh space – and often fresh insight.

What other ways do you change your environment?