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personality

Top 5 ways for introverts to love large events

Sarah · Feb 4, 2018 · Leave a Comment

How does your introversion or extroversion affect your actions and interactions in various groups? Do you even know whether you’re an introvert or extrovert? Knowing and using your personality type to manage your environment is a game changer when it comes to stress levels, personal satisfaction and your energy.

Last fall, I attended a fairly large women’s conference in a beautiful remote camp in the Central Oregon high desert. Roughly 400 women came together for a weekend of learning, rest, fun and excitement.

Since it’s a camp that primarily caters to teens, there were crazy skits and SNL-esque sketches at each meal. There was a ropes course, and waterslides open in the frigid 50-degree weather. There was a coffee bar, a craft station and a gym.

In my younger years, I would have thrown myself in full-throttle to be part of it all. And I would have exhausted myself doing so. That would then require either a whole lot of down-time to recover or a cycle of pushing myself beyond my limits creating unidentifiable stress and anxiety.

My outgoing personality didn’t automatically make me an extrovert.

This introvert needs alone time to recharge. I often surprise people when I tell them I’m an introvert, because apparently I project a fairly authoritative, confident demeanor – regardless of what I’m feeling inside.

This weekend, I had a mental map of what I wanted to accomplish for the weekend. It included getting up early, exercising, having alone time, connecting with a few ladies I don’t get to see that often and generally doing all.the.things.

Are you laughing yet at how overly ambitious this was? You should be.

The reality hit that I was so overloaded on life that I didn’t want to interact with anyone. I was perhaps borderline rude as I answered questions during mandatory interaction time (i.e. meals) with single words or short phrases. While I was genuinely happy to see people, I simply didn’t have it in me to put myself out there even more.

Free time hit, and I decided to take a short nap before reading and doing some work. That “short nap” ended up taking the entire afternoon. Apparently I was more tired than I realized.

However, because I had that nap, when I had a chance encounter with an old college friend that I hadn’t seen in almost 15 years, we were able to spend an hour and a half catching up and it was so refreshing to my soul.

I do much better with small groups and interactions than with large groups. Give me a group of 2-6 people, and I can talk for hours. In a group of 8, 12 or 24, I will likely shut down. It’s too much for me to take in. If I don’t shut down, it’s because I’ve been able to carve off a smaller group/conversation with those closest to me.

For the longest time, I thought something was wrong with me and that if I simply tried harder, put myself out there more, slept less, then I could be the version of myself that was in my head.

I like the bustle of being in and around large groups. In high school, I was the one who had 20 people over to my house after youth group each week. When I look back, while I was polite to everyone, I only had deep interactions with a few at a time. I could move from small group to small group within the larger context, but one large group in and of itself was never appealing.

Maybe this is how cliques start out innocently. We all need a safe place to be ourselves, and some of us do that better in small groups.

As an introvert, I need alone time to recharge. I do better in small groups, even among a crowd.
There’s nothing wrong with me (well, at least not here). It’s simply how I’m wired.

How do you interact in groups? Are you left recharged or needing refueling?

If you’re an introvert like me, here are five tips to fueling up and truly enjoying large group events.

(If you’re not an introvert, hopefully my experience and these tips can help you better understand the introverts in your own life)

Wow, never thought about trying #2!

Five keys to enjoying large events as an introvert

1. Review your schedule before and after the event.

If there aren’t great times to recharge while you’re at the event, can you get extra alone time beforehand or afterward? If you can carve off introvert-time before and after an event, that can and should affect how you plan and use your time at the event. Depending on the extent of your exhaustion and the type of the event, you may use these tips to decide if going to an event in the first place even makes sense.

2. Review the schedule and identify where you can find time to recharge.

Is there free time in the schedule? Is there a scheduled activity that you can skip? There are times that skipping a scheduled activity to leave space for personal connection during free time can be a great way to go. Many larger conferences and events record sessions, so you may not even have to fully miss the content you signed up for. In my case heading into this particular weekend, my brain and my body were a mass of chaos, stress and exhaustion. I definitely didn’t have downtime before arriving, and was headed straight back into the tornado when I got home. This meant I needed to carve off introvert-time at the retreat.

3. Explore the venue to find space to be alone and recharge.

Is there a quiet nook? A walking or hiking trail? A tucked-away corner of a big room? If the only space available is still a public space, consider strategically using headphones to create private space – whether or not you’re actually listening to something.

4. Lean in and be fully present when you are present.

The point of finding time and space to recharge is to be able to fully experience and enjoy the times you do participate. Prioritized ahead of time what you think those moments will be, and leave space for the chance encounters. You won’t regret it!

5. Adjust as you go.

Like I said earlier, I had ambitious plans going into that weekend. Fortunately, I quickly realized what was going on, reassessed my capacity, and adjusted accordingly. I ended up having a wonderful weekend where I made meaningful connections and recharged.

Want to learn more about personality types? Pick up Reading People by Anne Bogel, my  favorite overview of the various personality frameworks and how they impact our daily lives.

2018: Goals + Word of the Year

Sarah · Jan 2, 2018 · Leave a Comment

Happy New Year! I’m more excited about starting 2018 than I have been at the beginning of the last several years.

Goodbye, 2017

While I ended the year on a good note, 2017 was a rough one. The year held some unexpected tough situations over which I had little or no control. For 2017, my word of the year was RENEW. I went into the year hoping/planning for RENEW to be more about rest and rejuvenation. The reality ended up being a lot more about making a conscious choice to shift my MINDSET.

Hello, 2018

Looking ahead to 2018, my husband Charles and I came up with a joint word of the year that we each feel really good about personally, as a family, professionally and generally across all areas of life. As we were discussing what our word should be, the immediate consensus was that it should be something around putting ourselves out there, trying new things and growing.

We both have a tendency to play it safe, but looking back, our greatest areas of growth came from the times we took risks. We want to take more risks, not by abandoning logic, but considering when it makes sense to take a calculated jump or a leap of faith.

As we considered words and phrases, we brainstormed a lot of words like dream, growth, skills, grit, challenges, adventure, resilience, get comfortable being uncomfortable, sharing, and presence.

Explore #2018 #oneword

We (finally) landed on EXPLORE.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. – Mark Twain

I recently ran across this quote that was theme of a freshmen orientation while I was in college. It’s now so much more meaningful (and true!) now than it was at 18, which was a full half my life ago now. Where does the time go?!

EXPLORE

At a macro level, we’re using the theme of EXPLORE as the lens to view everything that comes across our paths in 2018. We’ll ask, “Does this (whatever this is) help me EXPLORE or not?” If yes, go for it! If not, ditch it.

I love that EXPLORE can take on many nuanced meanings depending on the lens or area of life it’s being applied to.

EXPLORE… getting out of ruts.
EXPLORE… more analog and less digital.
EXPLORE… more presence.
EXPLORE… lower stress and more emotional space.
EXPLORE… more adventure, more tinkering.
EXPLORE… putting myself out there more.
EXPLORE… relationships and experiences above things (except when those things enable relationships and experiences)

Not to mention, the boys love exploring more than anything. The eyes of a four year old and a six year old remind us that exploring doesn’t need to be a massive undertaking. Exploring can be as simple as stopping to pick up and examine the frozen leaf on the sidewalk or discovering that that ledge makes a great table.

What does EXPLORE mean in terms of actual goals?

We are taking a quarterly (or 12 Week Year) approach to allow for flexibility since we all know how quickly life can change. All quarterly goals still ladder up to the theme of EXPLORE!

For Q1, those goals are:

Self-Development

  • Read 12 books, including at least 6 non-fiction. This goal is actually reading less than prior years with an intent to be more mindful of what I’m reading and to consider if reading is the best way I can EXPLORE at a given point in time.
  • Read daily from Harvard Classics in 365 Days. As the title implies, this is a daily reading from classic literature that’s billed to provide “a liberal education in a year.”
  • Daily Instagram posts. As an introvert and INTJ, it’s entirely too easy to have a 90% finished graveyard of content that’s not quite published. Posting daily to Instagram is a way to both focus on EXPLORE daily as well as put myself out there and share more.

Travel

Hopefully that’s a self-explanatory EXPLORE theme. 🙂 Travel goals for Q1 include:

  • A trip to Arizona this month for a friend’s book launch and annual non-profit board meeting.
  • One family weekend trip. We’re thinking Bend, but may change our minds.
  • At least three day trips out in the Land Rover. Trip #1 was January 1, so we’re well on track there!
  • Get passports! Mine is up for renewal, and the boys don’t have them.

Parenting
Goodness, how do you distill parenting into a goal?! Parenting was one of the areas that rocked our world in 2017, as we had some major unexpected behavior challenges with one of our kids that turned a large portion of my fall upside down. We’re in a much better space now, but this is one area we’re holding loosely in terms of specific goals. A few focus areas:

  • Saying yes more often
  • More reading aloud
  • Less television
  • Earlier bedtimes
  • A whole lot of prayer for our kids (and for our parenting wisdom!)

Relationships

  • Prioritize twice weekly at-home date nights, as well as one date-night-out per month.
  • Continue our a standing monthly group date with our neighbors. We started this last year with two of our neighbors, and it’s fantastic! We have an amazing babysitter who watches all the kids at one house. Since the kids are all at once house, we often do dinner and game night at one of the other houses, which makes it a cheap evening and still a lot of fun.
  • Have people over more often. We have great intentions here, but the reality of our schedules (plus two introverts!) means that it doesn’t happen nearly as often as we’d like. We haven’t set a specific frequency goal, but hope to figure out what makes sense at this stage of life.

Financial

Financially, EXPLORE means that we’re shifting our focus from frugality and debt reduction/elimination to increasing our net worth. I’m very risk averse financially, but can also see where I’ve spent so much time being frugal that it’s at the detriment of living life.

By focusing on increasing our net worth, we will put emphasis both on paying down debt (we’ve got auto loans + a mortgage) and investing in growth opportunities.

Q1’s specific goals are:

  • Do a January spending freeze on all non-essential items.
  • Review our overall budget and roughly map out big projects, purchases, savings and investments for the rest of the year.

Health

The lens of EXPLORE gives me a reason to focus on my health and weight loss: I know that I’ll be able to physically do a lot more exploring and adventures if I’m healthier.

  • Q1 health goal: to lose 3lbs per month. I’ll achieve this goal by doing one week per month on a no-sugar, low-carb diet and limiting sugar and carb intake the other weeks of the month. Sugar is my enemy!

Career & Business

From a career standpoint, EXPLORE is mostly about being comfortable in my own skin and putting myself out there. My personality type has the blessing and curse of always seeing what’s still left to be done or could be improved upon. This has led to me holding back at various points over the years, both intentionally and unintentionally. That has no place in the year of EXPLORE!

Q1’s career & business goals are mostly around figuring out exactly how and where I want to be spending my time and then planning accordingly. I’m currently feeling a bit stretched thin across my day job, blogging, volunteer roles and working with my husband on some business ideas he has. In order to be successful at any of it, I need to make some tough choices to focus and streamline.

Explore.Dream.Discover. | strategysarah.com

For all goals, done is better than perfect. I am excited to take an approach that’s all about exploration rather than driven by perfectionism. How are your goals looking this year? 

That time I bought a math workbook. For fun.

Sarah · Mar 2, 2016 · Leave a Comment

We’ve established the fact that I’m a bit of a nerd, right?

My mom is a teacher, so I spent a lot of time in teacher supply stores growing up. Teacher supply stores = utopia for an academically minded youngster. They also equal the opposite of hours spent in Jo-Ann Fabrics, which is pure torture for an incredibly non-crafty youngster. (Both of those youngsters were me, in case you weren’t clear.)

One year in early elementary school, I used my allowance to buy a long division math workbook. Then I completed it, which meant that I taught myself long division before we learned it in school. I was incredibly proud of this accomplishment.

I still am.

My husband makes fun of me for this story (in love, of course). He never bought a math workbook. School and academics were not his cup of tea. At all.

At the same time, he was the child who poured over tool and auto parts catalogs – and had them memorized. He drew out house plans – to scale – for fun and planned out spaces and rooms.

To this day, I have a love of spreadsheets and books and academic learning. Charles has a love of all things mechanical, building and creating.

Our personalities shape our interests and desires.

What did you learn as a child? What did you naturally gravitate towards? What does that tell you about you? Can you see connections to how you live your life now, and what gives you the most satisfaction? Does it show you an area that you’ve lost and might benefit from a new or renewed attention to?

Not sure how to define your personality? One of my favorite FREE personality online tests is this one from 16 personalities. Take the test and let us know in the comments or on Facebook what your personality is. (I’m the Logistician.)

Be yourself

Sarah · Jan 26, 2016 · Leave a Comment

I have always felt the need to be stuffy when doing anything official. Like running a business. Or applying to college. Or any job, for that matter. Somehow being stuffy translated to following the rules. And as a Type-A firstborn, following the rules is a Must with a capital M (well, until I go crazy from the pressure and flip out).

Be yourself. | strategysarah.com

My college housing application – typed. Yep, only the crazy nerds did that. I identified myself as a book lover who went to bed early. Both of which are true.

But I forgot about the fact that the going to bed early thing tended to get thrown out the window when there was opportunity for socialization. You can see where this is going. I had a roommate who had lights out by 10pm every night – and an average bedtime for me was around 2am. Fortunately, we worked out an easy system where I just went somewhere else during those late hours (hello, dorm lobbies!).

Looking at our applications, no wonder they put us together – we were a perfect match on paper. And looking at other applications the next few years (I worked in the housing office, so saw a lot of them), I realized that the applications say a lot about personality – but not necessarily about realistically assessing oneself.

I’ve never been good at realistically assessing myself.

My best job interview ever was the one where I truly didn’t care if I got the job or not. I kicked back, wasn’t nervous at all, and as a result, let the real me come through. Out of 26 people that made the cut for a second round interview, six were offered jobs. I was I one of them.

Even in starting my own business, I felt the need to do what I should do, not what is actually me. And there’s the rub. The times in life that I have been authentically me, I’ve been the happiest and things have worked out the best.

And another irony? Being authentically yourself is usually easier than being what you think you are supposed to be. I just re-read Beverly Cleary’s Beezus and Ramona for the first time in years. In it Beezus is struggling to be creative in art class. She tries and tries and tries to be creative, and it just doesn’t work. Then she stops worrying about what she is supposed to be doing, or what the teacher will think of her painting, and lo and behold, creates her best work yet.

Too often, I think, “I have to do it that way, it’s business (or life or parenting or…).” That is a trap.

Live your part. Be the you that you were created to be, not the you that you think you should be.

From a business standpoint: Don’t fall into the trap of building the career or business you think you should. Build the career or business that will make you happy (and make money at the same time).  If you are a casual person, make sure your environment has a casual vibe. If you are more formal, find a more formal environment. We’re fortunate to live in a time and place where there are a variety of ways to be successful in both directions. Neither is right or wrong. If you try to be what you’re not, you set yourself – and your clients or colleagues – up for frustration.

And if you, like me, have trouble honestly assessing yourself, ask people who know you well for feedback. Then listen to them.

Be the you that you were created to be, not who you think you should be. via @strategysarah

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Have you ever struggled with a gap between how you think you should act and how you would naturally act? If so, how have you overcome this?

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Sarah Parsons Hi, I'm Sarah and thanks for joining me! I believe that as working moms, we don't have to be exhausted trying to have it all. Sure, we juggle a lot. That just makes us expert project managers, problem solvers and simplifiers. And if you feel like you're not an expert at any of that, well, you're in the right place. It is possible to manage our time well and thrive - at work, home and play. Let's do this!
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This has been a game-changer for my afternoons! I'm so much more productive when I manage my energy and don't try to just power through the slump. #workingmom #manageyourenergy #timemanagement
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31 Timesaving Tips, Tools & Templates

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The views expressed on this site are those of Sarah Parsons only, and do not represent those of any employer or client past or present with whom I have worked.
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